Just Dreaming...

Do you ever wake up in the morning and think your whole life has been a dream? Every now and then I wake up and think who is this man I am laying next to and when did we ever get married and who are all these little people screaming MOM at me? I know soon I will wake up and I am going to be 6 again living out on a ranch in the middle of nowhere with my grandma. And my uncle Sunny and I are going to go out and feed the baby cows and I will watch him work all day. Okay, I'm not crazy but it is just something I think about every now and then. I think about how when I was young I had my whole life planned out. I was going to go to school to be a vet and get married when I was 28 and never EVER have any kids. I would travel the world and see all the things I wanted to see. I was well on my way, I had started working at 14 yrs. old and saved up enough money to by my first little car and by the time I was 16 I was working full time and doing my schooling from home and living out on my own. Then I got the surprising news I was pregnant! From that day on my life, my plans, my future, MYSELF all changed. And I would never go back. I suddenly got thrown into a whole new life, one I never in a million years imagined! I had my precious baby boy and he was the only thing in the world I lived for. I did everything I could to make sure he was happy and healthy. And at only 18 years old it was a little tough but I didn't care, I was in love for the very first time. Then I saw Rory again and just out of coincidence and for some reason I just knew he came back into my life for a very special reason. It was about 11 and a half years ago that this 4 ft. nothing little boy walked up to me and looked UP at me and said " Will you be my girlfriend?" I asked him what his name was and he told me and I said yes. I remember he would drive to my house almost every day in his riding lawnmower ( which was slower than just walking) or his go ped, or he would even steal his big brothers car! Well, when I saw him again he was A LOT taller, harrier, and much more manly. And when I finally let him meet the most important person in my whole world and I saw the way he looked at James and the way he treated us as whole, I let all my walls down and I just felt that this was the way it was supposed to be. All those crazy plans I had made when I was younger and the way I saw myself living flew out the door. We moved on with our lives together as a family pretty fast from there. We bought a house together and soon I was pregnant with Chanel! While I was pregnant with her we started building the home we live in now. And then after just 1 and a half years living here I was pregnant AGAIN! This pregnancy was different, it was a little harder and I ended up having our little Rori Ana one month early. She weighed in at only 5 lbs. 13 ounces. She was completely healthy but when she was about 2 weeks old she stopped breathing in the middle of the night and I caught her just in time. She had what they call "Missed SIDS". Anyway, while I was sitting down with my kids this morning doing our usual routine: breakfast, bottles and saying bye to our daddy everything kind of came to a stand still and I looked around again thinking where the heck am I? And then I tell myself that I am living a dream, and its the most wonderful dream ever. We are all so happy and love one another so much. I see my extremely handsome husband and all my healthy beautiful children laughing and playing. I look at our wonderful home and see how blessed we are and I think that this is what life is about, for us anyway. We were all brought together for a reason. Without James, I probably wouldn't be here (who knows where I would have ended up) and I never would have seen Rory again. Then there would be no Chanel and trust me this world wouldn't be the same without our little Chanel. And Rori Ana wouldn't be here, I wonder if she would have gone to someone else and they didn't wake up when she went blue. There would just be no us. I guess what I'm getting at is I am so grateful to be here today with all the people around me, and all the ups and downs that have made me stronger and taught me better. I am so happy to be living out this dream.